Never had I once said I was courageous and all that. In fact, the very inspiration behind Lion Girl was a prophesy Karen Dunham made over me during an altar call in church, that God was going to give me strength and courage like a lion.

I’d always been an introvert and timid, due to my insecurities as the fat, black and ugly indian girl, but since Karen Dunham and clinging on to that promise of courage, I ventured out into this abyss of nothingness. Pushed on even more by significant events in my life, I changed and am still running after this building of a character I want. Thankfully though, as ‘daring’ I might be now (apparently), I keep my head down and refuse to get into trouble. God knows the trouble I can get up to when left to my own devices. -.-

Also am pretty skeptical over the way people build this persona of a strong, intimidating character on the interwebz. It’s funny because you see the person they are in real life, and compare that to what they show on the web and it’s laughable. Online, they act tough and strong, spitting crudity out with every sentence like it makes them actually aggressive and intimidating, when in person? Not an ounce of intimidation can be felt. What you actually see is a pathetic blob of human, trying oh so bravely to put on a mask to frighten off the people that frightens them.

The best ones are those that hide behind their ‘clever’ little sarcastic jibs on various social media platforms. Oh, those I love. Bring that sarcastic personality out, with the mean vulgar streak that runs amok in your private disgusting conversations with the people you actually bitch about, I wonder if they’d even have the guts to repeat everything they said, to have the guts to face what the other party will and can vomit back out to them about themselves.

Honestly though, my perception of myself is that of the pathetic blob of human meat. Dare I say I’d rise up to the occasion should it happen?

Haha. A resounding YES with a smidge of apprehension for future incidents. There was an incident in year1 and year2, and I’m glad to say, I met these people face on and did pretty damned well.

But honestly, I’m a creature of peace. As much as I war with words playfully, I hate using them as weapons against people. It’s not me. I can’t bring myself to hurt people intentionally even if they’re hurting me. 

Okay what the fuck, I just read all that I’d typed and I’m like. what the fuck you bloody pussy. If someone stabs you, you stab back la. T.T BUT I CANNOT. DO YOU SEE THESE CONFLICTING FORCES?

NICE GIRL/MEAN GIRL
HOLY/SINFUL

Aren’t I just a ball of good old fun.

 Fuck you dawn, you bloody pussy, man the fuck up don’t be a kuniang and stop thinking so much. You think think think, consider consequences for fuck? Just live, stop over thinking you foolish pretentious twat.